Flying home from Greece --- December 15, 2009

United flight 933 ---- two bambinos and father emeritus

On 6 December 2009 I took a flight from Frankfurt Germany, leaving at five PM flying into Dulles Airport, Washington DC. I had paid what I considered exorbitant price to fly business class; this was the last leg connecting from Athens Greece through Frankfurt Germany en route to Dulles Airport, Washington DC.

I was late getting to the gate in Frankfurt but thought I'd be comfortable when I finally got seated in my expensive business seat. The seat was fine but on my immediate left in the window seat was a young Italian man around 30 years old with a two-year-old baby in his lap -- -- -- I guess they just buy one seat and the baby goes via daddy's lap. On the other side two seats over was the Italian mommy with a suckling baby about six months old.

My initial reaction was discomfit -- -- the flight alone is a marathon but I anticipated this would be very uncomfortable because of all the baby commotion on either side. I readied myself to get caught in crossfire of gurgling, wooing, burping, and crying.

The first reaction was being part of the babysitting myself. It was in such close proximity that I indeed felt connected to it – a second father emeritus. Linda and I had raised three children, the first Tom and Tim were a year apart in age -- the two Italian babies likewise were boys about one year a part. So I had a strong sense of connection, déjà vu, and flashbacks. I felt like when Linda and I shared the duties when our boys were the same age as the flight 933 Italian babies. There was certainly a nostalgia and stronger yet I felt a protective paternal caring, a nurture instinct that happens in such close proximity to two suckling babies -- -- -- I felt not at all put out or uncomfortable, but more so a deep sense of caring and nurturing.

After Tom and Tim were young men we all worked in the same company together; Tim ran the European operations and he and I shared many trips from Maryland to London, Munich, and Paris. Tim passed away in the year 2001 and this European trip strongly brought back his presence. I had felt Tim's presence on the first leg of the trip from Maryland to Greece.  The airports, airline lounges, the hotels and taxicabs, the foreign languages and jetlag all had been shared with Tim.  These strong reminders had me revisit my many trips with my son Tim. I anticipated this before leaving and somewhat rejoiced in the memories and loving times we spent traveling together.

But being straddled by the two young baby boys and the attentive Italian parents brought home something way deeper and not recently visited. It brought back the memory and feeling of my wife Linda and I raising Tom and Tim. I was struck by the full attention the two babies demanded of the Italian parents, and also struck by how the parents fully committed themselves without hesitation or complaint. Likewise Linda and I did the same thing many years ago -- -- and somehow on this transatlantic flight it all came back. It's not often when you're in such proximity and in a fixed position for over eight hours next to gurgling babies -- -- -- and it brings it all back.

So I was not the least uncomfortable, put upon, or disappointed with all the continual distractions left and right. Rather I rejoiced in it. The babies demanded my full attention also, and I gladly gave it. It brought back the early days of nurturing two young boys in full force, it's a feeling that had long since passed. I felt lucky and fortunate that I was plunked down right in the middle of all this tenderly caring commotion -- -- it's not often that a grandfather sixty eight years old gets to be such an intimate part of the early baby nurturing years.

Four aisles forward I spotted a businessman about my age with a similar profile. He looked reasonably successful, was well dressed, and came well-equipped for a long flight with his laptop, iPhone, and portable pillow. He fussed about this and he fussed about that -- -- his seat was not aligned the right way, the light was not focused perfectly, the stewardesses were not snappy enough. He fidgeted and fussed --- nothing was right. That's the way I usually travel, always disappointed in its imperfection.

It struck me that that's not what life is all about -- -- my businessman expected extraordinary efforts to make him perfectly comfortable. And there I was in the middle of raising two demanding babies with wet clothes from spilt drinks and a laptop never opened. And I wouldn't have it any other way. It's not about comfort, it's about being part of life.

I was really taken by all this -- -- at age sixty eight one is long removed from raising babies. And having lost Tim has made me vulnerable, reminiscent events often trigger an incredibly deep sadness. But this was the opposite, this was the beginning of life, this was reliving raising two babies and being fully committed and having no time for anything else. 

And that's the experience I had on United flight 933. The stewardess walked by several times and thought I was very uncomfortable. In fact she gave me a certificate of apology from United Airlines that gave me seven thousand bonus miles in my frequent flyer account. How ironic is that, United should have charged extra.

This opened me up, it brought back the caring and love I shared with Linda many years ago raising Tom and Tim.  In full force I felt the parental love Linda and I shared and also the deep sadness we shared loosing Tim. United flight 933 was a gift. With transcontinental flights most people get jet lag and disorientation. Not me, for I got to revisit the happiest time of my life.